Reserve: Maintaining one’s outward composure and dignity when interacting with others by inwardly regulating our emotions, being neither easily excited nor overly austere.
Reserve reflection by Diane Moeller, Program Director, Ed.S.
Reserve…maintaining one’s outward composure while inwardly regulating one’s emotions. Do you know how many times in my K-12 administrative career I had to exercise reserve? I chose to reflect on this virtue because I believe strongly that acting with reserve was a strong reason for my success. Upset parents, frustrated staff members, emotional students…all could trigger emotions within me that I needed to regulate to be effective.
A wise mentor once shared this analogy with me. If one goes to a physician for an ailment, the physician prescribes medication and says to return in a week. Upon return, if the physician says, “Oh my, you seem to have had a reaction to the medication,” that is not good. But, if the physician says, “Ahh, you have responded nicely to the medication!” this is good!! The analogy is helpful when thinking about reserve. To react to someone who is already upset only exacerbates the situation. But to remain calm and respond, decreases the emotion and allows reasonable discussion.
The more I exercised reserve, the easier it became. People would joke with me about my still waters running deep. Probably the most touching comment about this style, came from a staff member after the emergency staff meeting to announce that schools were shut down due to the pandemic. I had just learned an hour earlier on a Friday. Our school was scheduled to be on Spring Break the next week. We had no idea what we were going to do. Numerous questions were raised. And no answers were readily available. As you can imagine, looks of panic, fear, and being overwhelmed were what I saw in the group. Many of those feelings were churning inside me as well. But I stayed calm and reassured them we had come through many tough times, and we would work together to get through this crisis as well. After the meeting, one teacher came to me and thanked me for being calm and reassuring. She said if I had been hyper and emotional, that meeting would have turned chaotic. I relay this story to exemplify the power of reserve. It is a strong virtue for those we come in contact with, but also for ourselves. We hold our dignity when we remain in control of our emotions. Reserve is a virtue that helps us all and is worth exercising until it becomes habit.
